Rum, Port, And Poker
by CaptainSqweakSparrow
Summary: Jack Sparrow had no other intentions then drinking rum in Tortuga for several days, when he meets some unexpected company that flips his world upside down. Takes place after the movie, also has humor
1. Who The Hell Are Ye!

Disclaimer: I do not own PotC or Jack Sparrow*drools* or anyone else. OK?! Ok. you don' gotta rub it in.. I mean.. I know he's sexy.. I know whoever made up the story oiwns him!!! GOODNESS!!!*sobs uncontrollably* I mean. geez.*reaches out* jaccckkk. nope. not mine  
  
A/n: to anyone who reads this, I love PotC and all the characters in it.. we'll have a run in with almort all of them cept barbosa. He's not very nice..  
  
Jack gulped down another mug of Rum.  
  
"Ahhh, gotta love it," he said passionately.  
  
Looking around in a drunken haze he noticed how empty the bar was. There was him, two pompous wealthy men havin a conversation with a very happy lookin barmaid to his left, and, even though the person was in the shadows, what looked like a fellow pirate to his right. Looking down at his empty mug he scowled.  
  
"'Ey mate! Can I get me another mug o'ye best rum over 'ere? Quick like?" He slurred his words quite a bit but it came out very well thought out.  
  
Lifting his mug at these words, the bartender took it and refilled it, slamming it down in front of him with an extremely happy smile. Picking up his mug and taking a swig, he stumbled over to the pirate on his right.  
  
'Jus' coz I'm drunk don't mean I can't talk ta nobody!' he thought happily.  
  
Sitting down next to the pirate he flashed a golden grin and asked, "How are ya mate?"  
  
Bowing his head the pirate said with quite a bit of mirth in his voice, "Jack Sparrow I be presumin."  
  
Turning his head to Jack as he mumbled a half-heard 'CAPTAIN jack sparrow'. The newfound woman grinned as Jack became increasingly flustered.  
  
"And who da hell ye be?! Ye had me thinkin ye was a man!" running his eyes down her body he added, more as an afterthought, "if ye be a man, then they sure as hell make fine lookin men these dayz."  
  
Still to drunk to care he took another swig from his rum before sitting it down and turning to the woman. She was laughing up a storm and patted his back.  
  
"It'z okay mate, I tend to have that affect on men!" Continuing to laugh she said, " Come Sparrow, we have business to discuss." Grabbing his shirt and still laughing she dragged him out.  
  
"WAIT!!!! ME RUM!!!!" he shouted as though his life were in danger until they were a good ways away.  
  
"That was only me sixth mug o' rum damnit." Snorting at that she continued to walk him down the street.  
  
"What ezactly d'ya wan' from me, love?" He asked non-challantly kicking a small rock on the path. After about five more minutes of this, Jack realized where they were headed.  
  
'Wa'does she want with me ship?' he wondered. Once on the docks the woman stopped and started what had become a nightly ritual for her. Taking off her tricornered hat, she shook out her hair, what there was of it. Her hair was to her chin and red as fire. Feeling slightly better now she slipped her hat back on and shed the heavy jacket. Underneath she wore a white button up shirt that looked to be a size or two to big for her, tight black breeches that were made of the softest looking material he had ever seen, fit for any pirate, and knee high black boots. Jack could do nothing but stare. Then he noticed how worn they were. It was pure talent that she could wear them and make them look good when they looked as though she'd worn them a lifetime. Adjusting her sword and fitting her dagger from the jacket in her shoe, she turned back to Jack.  
  
"Well Captain," she said sarcastically, "It seems we have a slight problem on our hands," she paused at this to take his appearance in. He swayed slightly on his feet and looked ragged and handsome to boot. This was going to be fun. He also had a look to him that he could hold his own, drunk or not, but by the stories, better to face him drunk most definitely.  
  
" I'm Captain Raine Black, and you and your men are on my ship." Looking slightly taken aback he searched for another ship at the docks, no such luck, Tortuga wasn't getting good advertisement these days. Looking back at Raine he smiled and continued to search his surroundings as she patiently waited for his response. She and Noa Lea Red were practically joined at the hips on the high seas, so where was she now. Jack grinned slyly.  
  
"Well, love, if ye mean the Black Pearl you're sorely mista-mista- mistaken!" Feeling rather triumphant at remembering how to pronounce the word he didn't see her grin. "She be mine, savvy?"  
  
He said it as though there were no other possibilities. Walking up to him, Raine straightened his shirt and smoothed some hair from his face, letting her hands linger, and looked up slightly, because he stood two or so inches taller than she.  
  
Cocking an eyebrow at him, she whispered, "there's no need to be getting touchy now Sparrow, but this does pose quite a problem," Jack was entranced, she smelled of sea and lavender, " I won that ship from Barbosa naught a month back, love. It very much belongs to me," leaning in so her lips were but an inch away she continued, ".savvy?"  
  
Turning on her heel she swaggered up to the ship and climbed aboard. Jack just stood there. He was much to drunk and he needed to get even more drunk for this. So he stood there for a few moments thinking about how to get more rum.  
  
"Ahh, beautiful thought that," he mumbled to himself and stumbled after her.  
  
Noa's eyes followed Jack onboard.  
"He might be tough, but he sure ain't smart," she whispered to herself. Straightening she walked out from the shadows slowly, appearing but a few mere feet from where Raine and Jack had just stood. Shaking her head slowly, which made her long red hair fly in all directions from both the wind and the shaking, she followed him on board. Looking to the captain's quarters she smirked. He would be very unhappy to find Raine had commandeered his bed. Dawn would come to bright and to early for her, she managed to make her way up to the crow's nest to sleep. Pulling out her flask when she reached the top, she took a long swig of her port.  
  
"I think Raine is the only sober one onboard tonight," she mumbled to herself happily. The plan had worked perfectly. Now the fun part would come. More than likely life would get very interesting when two obsessive rum drinkers, an obsessive port drinker, and a very twisty story all took to the high seas once again.  
  
"Ahh yes, very interesting." she mumbled before passing out the farthest she could get from the ladder and her hand on her pistol.  
  
Sitting patiently in Jack's bed she slipped off her boots and crossed her legs indian-style on the bed. Humming to herself she looked to the door. About five minutes later, Jack walked in mumbling a few curses under his breath. Not noticing her, he slipped off his boots and started unbuttoning his shirt. More mumbles came from his direction as his arms got caught up in the sleeves.  
  
"Damnit." he grumbled turning in a semi circle to where he was now facing the bed where Raine sat. She had to struggle not to laugh, but she couldn't help but crack a grin. Jack looked u and saw her and without thinking, nodded at her. Then doing a double take he tied to step back and did a backwards tumble/flip thing that made him look like he was in the circus. Landing with a resounding THUMP he looked at her quizically, his hands still stuck in the shirt behind his back.  
  
"I'm still to drunk," he mumbled. Standing up Raine walked to him and stood him up. Turning him around, she very easily slipped his shirt off and her hands lingered slightly on his back. He had a nice body for the drunkard he is. Walking back to the bed she sat down and laughed at his confused expression.  
"By now Noa is on board and asleep, drank herself into a stupor pro'lly. And we set sail tomorrow. Any questions?" Jack cocked his eyebrow and laughed.  
  
"Yea, just one. Who the hell do you think you are?!" Raine laughed and started her story.  
  
"Well Jack, I'm captain of this here ship unless you have something damn near as good. I have a signed document her that signs the ship into my name," While saying this, she pulled a document out of her pocket. "Naught a month back, I played a nice little game of poker with Barbosa, ma he rot in hell, and he signed over the ship in case he lost. Well, Noa is the best damn card player ye could ever lay yer eyes on and she won it. Pissed as hell and drunk Barbosa set four men on us and stumbled out of the bar, setting sail and not even waiting to find out if the four men lived. As ye can guess, they died a rather painful death. Got run through they did. I ain't to nice when I'm pissed as hell for bein duped and drunk off the best rum in tortuga. I've been in tortuga since and Noa and I took advantage of you and your crew bein off in tortuga getting drunk, to look over the ship and I must say I have everywhere on this ship memorized down to the fuckin barnacles. Any more questions?"  
  
Jack looked stunned but quickly recovered. "how could you have killed the four men? They couldn't die. They were not living and yet not dead? Who the hell are you." 


	2. Hurt Her, I kill You

Noa opened her eyes to a very bright morning. She couldn't believe this. Hangover from hell aand it had to be the brightest day in weeks. Groaning she sat up. Looking around she realized she was still up in the crows nest. They were out to sea already she could see. Tortuga lay miles behin thhem. Snorting, which gave her head quite a fiery jolting pain, she reached into her jacket and pulled out a different flask from the one last night. This one had silver patterns on it in the shape of fire. It also looked to be made of gold. Quite interesting and classy for a pirate. Also a huge contrast frrom the leather one she kept her port in. Gulping down some of it, she tucked it back into her coat pocket. Turniing to the ladder she saw a head pop up. A young man wasclimbing up into the crows nest. Brown, messy, and short was the most she could tell of this man. Of course she could only see his hair, but that was because his back was to her. He seemed to be listening to someone down onn deck. Pulling her dagger out from her sash, she held it to the back of the man's neck.  
"Move and I'll slice your neck open thhrough the back, I'll make sure it's deep enough to be a second mouth," harshly whispering this to him she pressed a little harder makinga drop of blood appear just below his hairline. "Turn around," she said cautiously. The man turned around to face her. 'Nice,' she thought. 'Very nice.'  
He looked at her defiantly as he started to speak, "Miss, Raine sent me up here to tell you to bring your lazy ass down there before she pummels you." He started to turn away and make his way back down the ladder before she recovered from the shock of being so surprised by the attractive young man before her.  
"Hey bboy," she called down from the top pof the ladder. He looked to her," W'az ye name boy?" she asked, as quietly as she could for the sake of her hhead, but loud enough for him to hear her. When he didn't answer just smirked, she jumped down, not bothering with the ladder and strode to him. "Well?" she asked holding the dagger once again to his throat.  
"the names Alex, miss. And you would be Noa Lea Red. No need to further our aquiantinces, I'm sure your husband would get thoroughly upset." Turning on his heel he left her with a shocked expression. Her husband had been dead for 5 years now. Thank god. He'd beaten the life out of her, and the night that he died wasn't accident. If Jay hadn't been there to strangle him and toss him over the side of the ship, the Orliander, he would have killed her. Funny thing that. The night he died, her ship blew up. She snorted yet again and walked to the helm to talk with Raine. Seeing Raine was concentrating very hard on Jacks compass, she managed to sneak up behind her quite easily.  
"Well, wa'd ye come up with, sweet?" she asked nonchalantly. Raine laughed. Raine had known she was there. She always did, which also meaant she witnessed everything that just happened. Raine had been there through it all with Noa. Noa had raised Raine since Raine was four. She was an inncent little girl who never said anything without thoroughly thinkingit through first. And when she and her, at the time, 10 year old parent of a sort became pirates on the Orliander with some assholes that ran it, her eyes had grown large and she'd never been happier. The wind in her hair, theboat rocking. The girl had never had a fear. Noa couldn't remeber a time without her. Of course, for the fearless, there always came a drawback. Raine was clumsy as hell. Chuckling she sat down on the stairs leadding up to the helm.  
"Well, we're going to Port Royal. And I've figured out the compass, actually, Jack told me but I swore on pain of death I wouldn't tell ye or anyone else for tha' matter. Savvy?" she was stil concentrating hard on the compass. Raine turned the wheel a little to far to the left, so she straightened it before dropping the compass and it rolled across the deck. Standing at the wheel in complete silence with Noa, she locked the wheel. "There we go!" she exclaimed happily. Before jumping over to Noa andsitting down next to her. The girl was 17 with energy to kill. "SHTI!" she screamed before hopping back up and running toward where the compass had fallen. Noa started laughing so hardshe doubled over clutching her stomach. And that's when Jack emerged from below decks.  
"Bloody hell." he muttered looking around, "she comandeered me ship, with me on it!!" Grumbling he made his way towards the wheel. Taking in his surroundings and the odd woman on the steps, he made hiis way to her. Before he could ask her a simple queston he was on the deck, flat on his back, with a sword at his throat. This woman was good.  
"We'll nbe havin none of the angry Jackon board with us today, savvy?" she told him menacingly before crouching down to mumble something in his ear, " And you hurt her I kill you." Standing back up she walked below deck. Straightening his shirt he stood up.  
"There was no need to get physical love, I was just gonna ask you where Raine was. Damn." Looking around after this he took in the appearance of Raine standing across the deck from him looking out at the sea, her hands mid air. Walking over to her, he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Wha'cha lookin at, love?" he asked quietly. She slowly turned her head to him.  
" Oh nothin'," she said quietly, "just havin some memories is all." She said it so quietly he almostcouldn't believe it was the real Raine.  
"Damn, Kitten, ye scarin' me now," he said uncomfortably. "Wha' memories?" He leaned on the railing and turned to look at her. She moved slightly as if debating weither or not to tell him. Before she got a chance to say anything he asked, " And where the hell are ye takin me ship?"  
Laughing she quickly started speaking. " Well, we're going to see my brother who has no idea I'm alive, and he lives in Port Royal. I'll be leaving Noa on the ship and you'll be comin with me, as I'm sure you know him. " Starring at her with a horrified look on his face.  
"Please say it isn't that blasted Commodore Norrington!" Laughing at this, Raine shook her head. "No, no. He's not that bloody commodore. I really hate him!" Jack looked as though he'd never been happier.  
"I hate that bastard too! Wow.. I''m liking you more and more with every second. First I find out you beat barbosa at poker, then you kiled those men he hired, and now! YOU hate the COMMODORE!!! Life is getting beautiful. Oh, I almost forgot, you hated Barbosa almost as much as I did!" Laughing merrily he walked away without even finding out who her brother was. She started thinking to herself. 'I hope I meet up to Will and Elizabeth's expectations.' 


	3. A WOMAN Comandeered The Pearl!

Docking the ship in the cliffs, where anyone at Port Royal would never see it, Raine and Jack made their way in the small rowboat to the docks. "Ya know wha'," Jack said rather abruptly, "I never found out who your brother was." He looked at Raien who sat ahead of him facing the islands. He didn't see her grin.  
"Will Turner!" She said it almost as if he should've known. With this Jack dropped one of the oars. It slid into the water and Raine quckly caught it before it could float away and smiled at Jack. "What ever is wrong CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow? Afraid of my brother?" Jack laughed with her atthis, taking the oar back and continueing to oar to the islands.  
"Not quite lass, but I sure am surprised to find tha' me best friend is ye brother." There was an odd sinking feeling in his stomachh as he spoke. Will would never let her come back on the boat with him. Affronted, he wondered why he cared. This woman had comandeered his boat while he was onboard! He should be happy she wasn't coming back. Even though, technically, it was her boat. Wait, did he ever see the paper saying it was?! Pissed, Jack swore. She sure had him fooled. Now he was mad. "Love, could I see the paper saying you own the Pearl?" Not even flinching or hesitating, Raine answered him in a happy voice.  
"It's on the ship, Noa has it. I know better Jack, you'd take it in a second and throw it into the beautiful water. D'ye think I'm stupid Jack?" She asked the last as she turned to look at him. The boat bumped into the docks. Tieing it up and paying the fee, Jack and Raine made their way to the blacksmiths as stealthily as possible. When they got there, not a word had been spoken between them. Raine was so tense by now, she didn't know what to do. But Jack took the initiative and walked right in. Raine walked quietly in behind him.  
"Honey, I'm Home!!!" He shouted. Footsteps came hurridlydown the  
stairs. A woman appeared at the bottom of the stairs.  
"JACK!!" she shouted at him and ran at him pulling him into a hug.  
"We've missed you!! Whhere have you been! It's almost been a month!  
Where you blowin money in Tortuga again?" At this, Jack blushed. He  
seemed, different, around her. As if he liked her or something of that  
sort. A man came around the corner from the adjoining room.  
"Ahh, Jack! Long time nno see," The man said pulling him into a hug.  
Raine still stood silently at the door. Her breathing quiickened as  
Jack answered.  
"Yes Will, I know, I meant to visit sooner, but I've been rather drunk  
in Tortuga, and I only came now for the sake of the nice woman that  
dragged me here. No offeense, but I miss Tortuga's rum already."  
Laughing, Will put his hands on his shoulders.  
"Are you meaning to tell me, that someone comandeered the Pearl, wiat,  
A woman comandeered the Pearl?!?!" at this, Elizabeth curtly punched  
his shoudlers. He laughed and addressed Jack again. "Well, where's  
this woman? I'm dieing to meet her now!" Jack turned and walked to the  
door where Raine still stood petrified. Pulling her into the light,  
Will gasped. Walking to her, he put his arms around her in a hug.  
"Raine!!! Dear god, where have you been?!?! I've misse dyou so  
terribly!!!! When they took you I swear.. Did father ever find  
you?!?!" Raine picked this point in time to break down into tears. At  
which point Elizabeth took Jack's hand and pulled him into the other  
room so Will and Raine could talk. 


End file.
